1. Name
Richard Simms

2. How long have you been a writer?
As long as I can remember! In elementary school, I filled a notebook with storylines for a soap opera I was going to call Another World. When I found out there already was a show called that, I was sure I’d be sued. Apparently, I was also a paranoid child.

3. What formats do you publish in? (paperback, Kindle, Nook, etc.)
I self-published through Create Space, so my book is available in paperback and for Kindle.

4. Are you on Twitter or facebook?
Ha! I have so many twitter accounts that I think I might actually account for about 20 percent of all tweets. I have two accounts that I use to talk soaps (I’m the executive editor of Soaps In Depth magazine), one that I use to talk about Disney, another that I use for general television talk…I’m a total twitterholic. But my main account is @howrudeareyou. On Facebook, I’m at facebook.com/tralfie

5. What inspired this book?
I actually dedicated the book to my muse, Audrey. I don’t know her, but we shared a seemingly-endless train ride a few years ago during which she spent the entire trip on her cellphone. She was talking to her boyfriend and it was one of those conversations that is so loud you can’t help listening in, and yet so boring you have no desire to. So Audrey inspired the book. Later, as I was working on the second draft, I got another major inspiration from soap fans and the wars they wage with one another—in support of their favorite couples—on various social media sites. They actually wound up inspiring me to add a chapter on the Internet and various bad behaviors that run rampant in cyberspace.

6. Describe your current book?
I call it a pop-culture-laden look at how rude we as a society have become. About halfway through, I realized that I sound like the old man on every episode of Scooby Doo who’d shake his fist and rant about “those darn kids!” I suspect that people 40 and older will love my book, and anyone younger will think of me as a curmudgeon. Which I suppose is something I just have to reconcile myself with! 

7. How do you want your readers to feel after they’re read your book?
My goal is to have people, as they’re reading it, nod their heads in agreement and maybe shout the occasional “Amen!” I’m also hoping that at various points, they might see themselves on display…and not necessarily in the most flattering light. If I happen to inspire a few people to change their ways where bad behavior is concerned, that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world!

8. What’s your next project?
Right now, I’m in revisions on a horror novel. It’s about as far removed from Crimes Against Civility as you could possibly get. I mean, some pretty rude things happen to a few of the characters! There are parts that, when I was writing them, made even me squeamish, so I guess I must be doing something right. Or maybe I’m doing something very, very wrong. Either way, it should be a fun read.

9. What types of jobs have you had other than writing?
Well, I tried selling solar panels in a city where the sun never shines. That was fun. And I worked in a Dunkin Donuts for about a week. But the two jobs that really sort of changed my life were working at a newspaper for about a decade and then, in 1997, helping launch Soaps In Depth magazine, where I’m the executive editor. I get to spend my days sitting in a room with my very best friend watching and writing about soaps, a genre I’ve loved all my life. On the plus side, nice work if you can get it! On the down side? I have the dubious honor of working in not one but two genres that are sort of dying, soaps and magazines.

10. What did it feel like when you were first published?
I think any writer will agree with me when I say it’s impossible to describe the feeling of holding the first copy of your first book in your hands. I’m not going to say there was squealing, but there totally was.

11. What’s your go-to song when your writing muse needs to be recharged?
There’s a piece of music from the Battlestar Galactica soundtrack called “Violence and Variations.” I listen to it on a loop when I’m writing. It’s an absolutely gorgeous piece.

12. What do you do when writer’s block strikes?
Walk away. Sometimes, run away. Usually, to the couch and some mindless television. I’ll admit, it’s usually not writer’s block that gets me. It’s laziness. Oh, man, am I a procrastinator. Put a shiny object or a telenovela in front of me, and I’ll put off writing for days. 
 
13. What’s the best compliment your writing ever earned?
My best friend is also my editor as well as being one of the most talented writers I’ve ever known. His way with words regularly blows me away. So when he’s editing something I’m writing and he is excited by it and sort of begging me for more pages, that’s both the biggest compliment in the world and also inspirational to me. Plus, he can kinda be a nag, so it helps jolt me out of my procrastination.

14. If you’re stranded on a desert island with a solar battery recharger, what would you be reading on your Kindle?
The Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon. A friend who I really respect and think of as so smart recommended the first book in the series to me years ago. She was so excited about it that I felt guilty because, after reading the back and figuring out that it was this romantic historical novel involving time travel, I was about as interested in that book as the GOP is in gay marriage. But eventually, I picked it up—mainly just so I could tell my friend that I’d given it a try—and within an hour, I was obsessed. The reason I’d take Gabaldon’s books is that there are, like, eight of them, and each is nearly a thousand pages long. So they’d keep me company for a long, long time.

15. If you could have dinner with three other writers, who would they be?
Jackie Collins, because I’d want to hear all the gossip and I suspect she’d make me laugh so hard I’d snort. Diana Gabaldon, because as obsessed as I am with her books, I’m also really interested in her personally. She’s smart and funny and has a really interesting background. And Stephen King, because I’d want to talk to him about why the heck so many of his books have such God-awful endings.

16. What’s your blog and/or website address?
I blog at www.howrudeareyou.com, although I’ll admit, not nearly as often as I should. Between editing a magazine and working on my next book, it’s hard to find time!

17. Cats or dogs?
Oh, definitely dogs. I had an awful experience where a friend’s cat. They didn’t believe in declawing the cat, whose name was Conan, and once, while alone in their apartment with him, I took a shower only to have the cat come into the bathroom and attack as I was trying to get out of the shower. I was literally trapped in the bathroom, naked and freezing, for about an hour until the owner came home and rescued me. So, um, yeah. Definitely dogs!

18. Cake or death? (To soothe the boisterous Eddie Izzard lobbyists…)
I’m gonna go with cake. Does anybody go with death? I guess if I was a serious writer, I’d go with death and say something about how it’s the ultimate experience and how you haven’t truly lived until you’ve stared down death, but I’m a total wuss. And I really like cake.

19. What fictional character do you identify with most?
Let me tell you instead what fictional character I’m most often misidentified as! Friends and I were at a comedy club once and a ripple of excitement went through the room. We started looking around, because clearly there was a celebrity in the room. But we couldn’t find one! And then we realized that several people were pointing at me. Finally, a woman came up and said, “You’re Stanford from Sex & The City, aren’t you! I just love you!” I’ve had that happen a few times since then. It’s…odd.

20. What’s the closing line of your book?
On its own, it doesn’t make much sense! But here’s the last paragraph. “In a court of law, those hauled before the judge are deemed innocent until proven guilty. But here in the court of public opinion, we have no such standards, meaning the second one violates the basic societal standards of common decency, we can declare them guilty. Of what? Why, crimes against civility, of course!”

Crimes Against Civility
Genre: Humor
Kindle $2.99
Paperback $6.99